I wasn’t even going to write this blog post but then it occurred to me…

… I haven’t had a good ole rant for a long time – like… almost a week! Plus, I’ve been holding off making a public statement and taking a stance on this issue for too long. And that just ain’t me. Nobody is ever gonna die wondering what I think about something I consider to be important. Those who know me well know that you can take that to the bank.

So, what am I cooking up today? Well, I just want to rave on about everyone’s favorite misery whinge at the moment and throw my 2 cents into the ring.

It seems as though Internet Marketers are forming up into TWO big opposing groups – those who wish to deceive and con versus those who don’t. I will call the former group the “Decepticons”, mainly because that is what they are mostly about – deceiving and conning.

Just in case you aren’t familiar with the concepts of the movie “Transformers”, here is the Wikipedia definition of a Decepticon:

“The Decepticons are usually depicted as the antagonists in the fictional universes of the Transformers toyline and related comics and cartoons, and the enemies of the Autobots.”

In other words they are the “bad guys.” So, moving along with this theme and relating it to Internet Marketing …

Decepticons will use false subject lines such as:

- “Notification of Payment Received”

That’s a real nasty because it tricks people – especially beginners – into thinking they have made a sale. So they eagerly open the email to see what the payment was for and then they get presented with some crap like: “Now that I have gained your attention…” Well, it sure gains mine – I start hunting for the UNSUBSCRIBE link straight away.

That deceptive subject line is bloody awful! I’ve even seen several experienced marketers use it. They should get a damn good kick up the a** for it.

Here’s another very “popular” misleading subject line:

- “RE: (and anything they type after that)”

This is designed to trick you into thinking that somebody is actually replying to you because that is the prefix given to ALL replies to emails that you send. Again, a trick – and a pretty moronic one at that. Why? Because the instant that you realize that the email isn’t personal you lose TOTAL interest and wonder who this putz is. Then you get annoyed that they would play such a trick on you and… UNSUBSCRIBE!

Here’s another commonly used Decepticon subject line:

- “Your Order Confirmation”

This is yet another trick to get you to open the email to see what the heck you are supposed to have ordered. When you realize that you have been conned yet again… yep… UNSUBSCRIBE!

Are you starting to see a pattern here? These Decepticons are SO bereft of talent that they have to resort to trickery and con-artistry to try to get you to open up their crap and then HOPE that because you did that you will either click on something that will take you to a sales page or an opt-in page to surrender your details for – wait for it – even MORE of their JUNK!

Now, here’s a particularly untalented Decepticon subject line that is doing the rounds FAR too often and is all the “rage” at the moment:

- “Your Order #RU256790843”

I can’t even believe how dopey this is and yet SO MANY would-be marketers are using it. Even worse there are so many fledgling marketers blindly copying this ridiculous ruse. It seems really strange to me that ALL of these deceptive subject lines all carry the prefix RU. Why not XT? Or ZBU? Nope. Monkey see, monkey do. (Give the chimp a peanut) They are ALL #RU. They might as well be #RU-anIDIOT. So, when somebody fools you in this way what do you do? Hint: Look above – it begins with U and ends with E!

There are several other “popular” Decepticon subject lines equally as misleading as these but I won’t bore you with any more. You have probably seen them anyway.

Do you like them?

I sure don’t. And it would seem that NOBODY else does either. But the dill-brains using them just continue to use them to build massive lists that are becoming MORE and MORE unresponsive by the day. Very soon anyone engaging in email marketing will have to have a list of 100,000 just to get 100 opens. And that 100 will be the greenest of green raw beginners on the planet. And when THEY wise-up they won’t be opening these emails either.

Rampant adswapping has caused this malaise. I’m not against adswapping. I think it has its place but so many people now are so feverish to build an enormous list that they will stoop to almost any level to fool people into handing over their name and/or email address. So, rather than be creative and tell the bloody truth, they resort to misleading people.

What the Decepticons clearly have NOT factored into their equation – quite apart from the rising percentage of people unsubscribing from virtually ANY email contact – is the MASS de-sensitisation of ALL those receiving these deceptive and highly misleading emails. Even after a relatively short period of time most people wise up and stop being fooled by them.

Like you, I am on 100’s of lists. I rarely unsubscribe – unless somebody sends me endless worthless junk that’s been around since the first moon landing OR they pound me mercilessly with far too many emails.

I was talking to a colleague the other day who found himself on a list where the owner began to barrage him with 4 emails per day and then ramped it up to 8. Yes! 8 emails per day – EVERY day! That is abusing the system if I have ever heard of it. What if everyone started doing that? No wonder autoresponders are becoming more expensive to use and are breaking down more often.

Some Decepticons also think they are pretty clever by hitting the space bar 20 or 30 times before they add the mandatory unsubscribe link too. Well, not only is that unethical and against the TOS of most autoresponders but also – how STUPID! Even a rank beginner can drag the scroll bar down to where it is hiding at the bottom of 10, 20 or even 50 folds of white space. Deceptive and… dumb!

When this is all said and done, there are still people out there in marketing cyberland who will send you GOOD information – not all of it demanding your name or email address on EVERY occasion. Some will point you to blog posts, some will just send free information and some… just a few, like me, will even send you the occasional NO opt-in pdf. But even when the honest and ethical people do these things the ignore rate and the unsubscribe rate is still very high because of what the Decepticons are doing.

It has almost reached epidemic proportions. In fact, I take that back. It has. It’s now a PANDEMIC. It hurts everyone, fills up everyone’s email account with tons and tons of useless junk and desensitizes everyone. And don’t expect it to stop any time soon. The ONLY time it will stop is when open rates are so LOW that the Decepticons finally realize that all they have been doing is sh*tting in their own nests OR stronger rules of the CAN-Spam Act are invoked.

What are your thoughts? What are the email subject lines and tactics that you detest the most? Have your say. In fact, RANT all you want. You can disagree with me if you want too. If you want to blast me, go ahead. Just be prepared for the return salvo. Seriously, say what you want. If you have a reasoned argument that disproves what I have said above then I will NOT censor you. I promise.

While I’m at it – here’s another PROMISE – I will NEVER send you a misleading or deceptive email subject line. I’d rather be creative than follow blindly the lead of the Decepticons. Plus I have too much pride in what I do to be so banal.

For me… I’ll be an “Autobot” any day of the week.

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Oh, and don’t forget Mrs Oomooloogoo of the little known country of Gabon.  Her husband (the late) General Hoodoo  Oomooloogoo was assassinated leaving her an account in Switzerland with US$68.8 million in it.  Only thing is that poor old Nancy Oomooloogoo is in hiding and cannot get out of the country.

Enter me.

Luckily, she has seen me on the internet and trusts me implicitly. Oh, why not? I’m a trustworthy guy!

All I have to do is give good ole Nance my banking details – and password – and she will put the whole bang lot in there and we can split the spoils when I send her a first class air ticket to Switzerland. Lucky me!

Sound familiar?

All the pigs are lined up on the tarmac…

Goodness, are people falling for this stuff? I guess they are. Otherwise these crappy emails that are so obviously scams wouldn’t get sent.

I suppose if the scammers send out 100,000 emails and only get a couple of replies then it’s worth it.

And that’s the name of the game isn’t it folks? The internet is a numbers game and with such collosal numbers it only takes a few suckers to get duped and the con perpetuates.

Yep, the internet is a reflection of life in the real world. There are decent people helping others and there are cretins just wanting to prey on victims. It’s up to each of us to make those choices – who to trust and who to avoid.

What is your most common spam invasion? I’d be interested to know. If we know what’s out there then we can protect ourselves from those who seek only to rip us off.

Any comments?

Regards

Gary Simpson